American Born Confused Sikh

So, yes I facebook messaged the coworker that was also mentioned in the google search link. I know it was crazy but I had to do it. And you know what? That complete stranger responded and told me exactly what I needed to know: The Truth. I shouldn't have been surprised. I shouldn't have been mortified. But I still was. I was absolutely shocked. I then started questioning everything out loud to this stranger. I asked why and how some people could have such bad intentions. I asked why this particular individual and many others didn't listen to their feelings and emotions and why they didn't care about the feelings and emotions of others. I actually wasn't looking for an answer to these questions because I just accepted that some people were evil but I still got one. That stranger paused for a second and then went on to tell me that some people just think and act purely from their artificial self. Artificial self? He was hesitant to tell me more, but I had to know....

Since the second Gujarati guy got more than one date, he will get more than one blog. ;) Where was I with him? Oh yeah. . .Lord Shiva, motorcycles, and guns. Okay. . . so. . .yes. . .he was the first one to get more than one date. Our first date was at a Thai restaurant of his choice and our second date was at a Thai restaurant of my choice. (of course my choice was better ;)  Our third date took place at a gun show. Now, I need to get off tangent again and explain something about myself really quickly. . . . . I was never a fan of guns before. I thought they were unnecessary and harmful and scary! I still do to some extent. But a few years ago, my home was burglarized. All of my personal belongings and valuables were taken from me. It was okay because I was not at home. But what if I was? If one is to get robbed on the street, they run to their home for a safe escape. But where was I to escape to now? That burglar took all of my jewelry, all of my artificial...

Yesterday was Indian Independence Day. In 1947, India gained independence from Great Britain. Great. America also gained independence from the British too, so I get it. It's exciting! But when America gained independence, people of various religions didn't have to leave their homes and go to a new designated "land" for their religion. States were not divided based on language. Yes, we had a few kinks to work out (civil war, abolish slavery, women's rights, etc etc) but hey, I think we've done a pretty good job so far. . . . . One thing about Indian history that dumbfounds me till today is this: when the British left, why was each religion awarded their own land? Why did India need to get divided so much? Why did the Muslims have to go to Pakistan? Why did the Hindus have to go to India? The Sikhs were given an option of getting their own piece of land too but we refused. (Unfortunately a huge mistake that would hurt us severely for decades to come. . . ) ...

Okay, date #6! This is actually the first date that progressed into a second and third date. By this time, I started healing. I wasn't as angry at the world anymore and I started trusting. . . just a little bit more. . . . This guy also happened to be Gujurati. Although, it felt like he was a Punjabi. Please let me explain! #1. He was tall. My artificial self was pleased by this. lol Yes, I'm a little vain.  ;) # 2,3,4, &5 . . .He drove a sporty car, a motorcycle, had a tattoo, and a nice collection of guns. Yes, I am also attracted to gangsters. lol We met up at a restaurant right in the middle of our homes and that is where he first pulled up in a fast car and a devilish smile. During our first dinner, he seemed a little serious, a little quite, and a little self absorbed. He seemed interested in me but I couldn't read him too well. He definitely had a shield up in front of himself. We still had a fairly nice conversation though. I learned that he had ...

I know. . . I haven't been writing. It's getting harder now because it's getting more real. And when it's real, it's scary. I discovered another Kaur blog recently! She is amazing. . . .here is her blog:   https://anonymouskaur.wordpress.com/2015/07/31/hello-world/comment-page-1/#comment-17 From what I have read so far, Anonymous Kaur's blog deals with panthic (community) issues whereas my blogs are more of my own personal issues. lol The reason I have an internal struggle is because often times community issues affect my personal issues and vice versa. It's interesting because many of us (including myself) say that we don't care about what people say or think us of us, but do we really? I've always said it, believed it, and acted upon it. But in reality maybe I care too much? I don't care about what individuals think but I do care about the community as a whole. I care about my influence on them and their influence on me. They say it takes...

So, an interesting thing happened last week. It was a roller coaster of an emotional, upheaval battle. It shook my soul to it's very core and it questioned all of my new found beliefs. It was one of the most difficult struggles that my inner self and artificial self had to face. It brought me perceived comfort and then it brought upon an anxiety attack. It shut me down to the point where I couldn't think or even write or read. . . . My ex-boyfriend wanted me back. Within 2 months of our breakup, within 2 months of me writing this blog, and within 2 months of my new stronger self discovery he came back. Why at this time? Why after the 10th date? (yes, I know I'm so behind on the dates! I'm getting there!) Why not after the first date? Why not before starting any dates at all? I really do believe that God and the universe had a challenge and a test for me. . . . When I say that he came back, do I mean he showed up at my doorstep? No. He just call...