American Born Confused Sikh

I know. I know. Just typing the title made me cringe too. These three words shouldn't be linked together, but the media links the first two together everyday. . . . And if the media can say that they want, then damn it so can I! The current state of the Islamic and Sikh community is horrendously hurtful and painful on so many levels. We are walking on ice all of the time and in today's blog post I wanted to share a correlation that I have been thinking about lately. . . . Muslims are like pit-bulls and Sikhs are like bulldogs. Wait!!! Before you start stoning me to death, please allow me to explain! Most of my Indian readers don't even like dogs and are scared of them and consider it lowly for me to even think about comparing people to them. I get it. In India, there are a bunch of strays that are overly aggressive and they probably all have rabies and if they bite you, you'll die. I get it. But you guys treat dogs like shit over there, so what do you expect? ...

So, for a short while Mr. Architect and I hung out almost every weekend. We would go out to eat, watch movies, play air hockey and just have a jolly good time. On one evening I invited him to a friend's hangout of mine in midtown. He brought a friend of his too. He brought his white friend. :) And what do I say about this friend of his? He had a personality that absolutely glowed. He had traveled to many different countries (including India ;) and he even spoke a little bit of Hindi for show! He joked with my friends and I and he made us laugh. He was simply a joy to be around. When I first met this person, I didn't see a "white" guy. He could have been purple for all I cared. I just saw positive energy and happiness radiating from his extroverted personality which so very much matched up to my personality. I gave Mr. Architect some extra cool points for having such a nice friend. After all, birds of a feather flock together or something like that right? lol ...

The architect. For the record I want to say, I love architects and graphic designers. I love how their mind works. They have literally been trained to think outside the box and to be creative and it is absolutely beautiful. On that note, the architect had called me (which already made him unique in today's texting society) and invited me to an amazing fusion Indian restaurant. He had already combined the east and the west within me. :) When I entered the restaurant he had been waiting for me at the bar and when we met, he gave me a handshake like a real gentleman should on the first meeting. His aura was extremely calm and peaceful and in his presence I also felt calm and peaceful and completely relaxed. I sensed that this person wasn't here to hurt me or have any bad intentions with me and I felt safe. Because I felt safe, I was able to be myself. . . . . . my open, talkative and goofy self. :) We had great conversation that evening. He didn't spend the entire evening ta...

Please allow me to explain. Indian parents that moved to America from India and gave birth to children on American soil are facing a major dilemma. They try to be modern by getting rid of the forced upon arranged marriage concept yet, when their daughters reach a marriageable age, they say. . . "Child! Go and get married!" Or even worse. . . . "You're almost 30 and your not yet married!? Shame on you!!!" We young and naïve children think we actually have freedom to pick our own spouses. . .  but when we bring home the guys that we like or even mention their name. . . shame be upon us! And here's the thing. . . . most Indian girls aren't even given the opportunity or privilege to even speak to the opposite gender growing up. Many of our parents were and are just too strict. And then they get mad and upset  when we've reached a certain age and we are not married. We are constantly reminded of our single status. It's almost like we are a burden ...

I know. :(   It's been a while. . . . . I could give you a million excuses. . . some are legit, and some are not. . . but here goes. . . . #1. I've been sick! Yes! For real! Okay. . . . I have allergies. Not just the cute sneezing and sniffling runny nose allergies. Oh no.  I have had sinus headaches, swollen itchy eyes, and a constant sore throat. And you know what? Sometimes, it takes me weeks. . . months. . . or years to figure out truths that are so simple. Exhibit A: When you have bad allergies, go see an allergist! Don't go to the Walgreen's or CVS clinic. Don't go to your primary doctor (well. . . maybe, it's kind of a good start). Just go to the specialist. Every time I went somewhere else I was given antibiotics and yes they worked great while I was on them, but as soon as I got off of them, all of the symptoms came back. I was miserable. I wasn't myself. I felt a little handicapped. I finally saw an allergist and OMG, I can breathe again. I don...

Mr. Goa only got one date and you will find out why in just a few minutes. He only gets another post because the first post was more so about the history lesson he gave me! So, if I understand correctly, Goa is like Hawaii for India. It's the place where a lot of people go on their honeymoon. It has amazing beaches and people are always partying over there (at least that's what I see on Bollywood movies!). I was expecting a laid back Indian surfer dude but to my surprise I kind of got the opposite. A few hours before our date, Mr. Goa text messaged me and asked me what I was wearing. I thought to myself. . oh gosh, is he serious? I may end up cancelling based off of how this goes. He then asked me if I was going to wear heels. I thought to myself, what is up with guys and heels? I like wearing them but is he really asking me this now? He then asked me to not wear them. . . . . "Why???" I asked. "You are 5'6 aren't you? If you wear heels you might be...

Yes, lessons needed to be learned and gosh I sure did have some to learn! (Still do till to this very day!) Date #6 or should I say Guy #6 (since they started overlapping now) was from Goa. He was a very interesting and intelligent person. He was also an engineer. . . no surprise there! I was beginning to think that it was against the religion of most South Indians to not become an Engineer! j/k ;0 Now before I go into our interesting topic of discussion, I have to give you all some background info about myself. I don't remember if I mentioned this to you before in my previous blogs, but I am not Punjabi. :(. I know, I must have done something wrong in my previous lives. . . lol I'm going to try to explain this and condense this as much as possible for my non Indian readers. India: many states, many languages, many cultures, and quite a few religions. The Sikh religion originated in the northern state of Punjab hence 99.9999999% of all Sikhs are Punjabi. Yes, I made u...

So, yes I facebook messaged the coworker that was also mentioned in the google search link. I know it was crazy but I had to do it. And you know what? That complete stranger responded and told me exactly what I needed to know: The Truth. I shouldn't have been surprised. I shouldn't have been mortified. But I still was. I was absolutely shocked. I then started questioning everything out loud to this stranger. I asked why and how some people could have such bad intentions. I asked why this particular individual and many others didn't listen to their feelings and emotions and why they didn't care about the feelings and emotions of others. I actually wasn't looking for an answer to these questions because I just accepted that some people were evil but I still got one. That stranger paused for a second and then went on to tell me that some people just think and act purely from their artificial self. Artificial self? He was hesitant to tell me more, but I had to know....

Since the second Gujarati guy got more than one date, he will get more than one blog. ;) Where was I with him? Oh yeah. . .Lord Shiva, motorcycles, and guns. Okay. . . so. . .yes. . .he was the first one to get more than one date. Our first date was at a Thai restaurant of his choice and our second date was at a Thai restaurant of my choice. (of course my choice was better ;)  Our third date took place at a gun show. Now, I need to get off tangent again and explain something about myself really quickly. . . . . I was never a fan of guns before. I thought they were unnecessary and harmful and scary! I still do to some extent. But a few years ago, my home was burglarized. All of my personal belongings and valuables were taken from me. It was okay because I was not at home. But what if I was? If one is to get robbed on the street, they run to their home for a safe escape. But where was I to escape to now? That burglar took all of my jewelry, all of my artificial...

Yesterday was Indian Independence Day. In 1947, India gained independence from Great Britain. Great. America also gained independence from the British too, so I get it. It's exciting! But when America gained independence, people of various religions didn't have to leave their homes and go to a new designated "land" for their religion. States were not divided based on language. Yes, we had a few kinks to work out (civil war, abolish slavery, women's rights, etc etc) but hey, I think we've done a pretty good job so far. . . . . One thing about Indian history that dumbfounds me till today is this: when the British left, why was each religion awarded their own land? Why did India need to get divided so much? Why did the Muslims have to go to Pakistan? Why did the Hindus have to go to India? The Sikhs were given an option of getting their own piece of land too but we refused. (Unfortunately a huge mistake that would hurt us severely for decades to come. . . ) ...

Okay, date #6! This is actually the first date that progressed into a second and third date. By this time, I started healing. I wasn't as angry at the world anymore and I started trusting. . . just a little bit more. . . . This guy also happened to be Gujurati. Although, it felt like he was a Punjabi. Please let me explain! #1. He was tall. My artificial self was pleased by this. lol Yes, I'm a little vain.  ;) # 2,3,4, &5 . . .He drove a sporty car, a motorcycle, had a tattoo, and a nice collection of guns. Yes, I am also attracted to gangsters. lol We met up at a restaurant right in the middle of our homes and that is where he first pulled up in a fast car and a devilish smile. During our first dinner, he seemed a little serious, a little quite, and a little self absorbed. He seemed interested in me but I couldn't read him too well. He definitely had a shield up in front of himself. We still had a fairly nice conversation though. I learned that he had ...

I know. . . I haven't been writing. It's getting harder now because it's getting more real. And when it's real, it's scary. I discovered another Kaur blog recently! She is amazing. . . .here is her blog:   https://anonymouskaur.wordpress.com/2015/07/31/hello-world/comment-page-1/#comment-17 From what I have read so far, Anonymous Kaur's blog deals with panthic (community) issues whereas my blogs are more of my own personal issues. lol The reason I have an internal struggle is because often times community issues affect my personal issues and vice versa. It's interesting because many of us (including myself) say that we don't care about what people say or think us of us, but do we really? I've always said it, believed it, and acted upon it. But in reality maybe I care too much? I don't care about what individuals think but I do care about the community as a whole. I care about my influence on them and their influence on me. They say it takes...

So, an interesting thing happened last week. It was a roller coaster of an emotional, upheaval battle. It shook my soul to it's very core and it questioned all of my new found beliefs. It was one of the most difficult struggles that my inner self and artificial self had to face. It brought me perceived comfort and then it brought upon an anxiety attack. It shut me down to the point where I couldn't think or even write or read. . . . My ex-boyfriend wanted me back. Within 2 months of our breakup, within 2 months of me writing this blog, and within 2 months of my new stronger self discovery he came back. Why at this time? Why after the 10th date? (yes, I know I'm so behind on the dates! I'm getting there!) Why not after the first date? Why not before starting any dates at all? I really do believe that God and the universe had a challenge and a test for me. . . . When I say that he came back, do I mean he showed up at my doorstep? No. He just call...

So date #5 was interesting for this reason. . . . . . . This particular Sikh guy had a past full of ups and downs like the most of us but he had a really positive outlook on his current situation and the future. He was also a Sagittarius like myself so it was easy for me to connect to him in this manner. Yet there was one thing he said that totally threw me off. . . . He had an older brother who was married and who was currently taking care of his mother. His older brother and his mother were having some issues. His family told him that since he is the youngest brother, it was his responsibility to take care of his mother. Now, please let me explain why this was so interesting and astonishing to me. Several years ago I had a long distance relationship with a Sikh. He was the only son. He always told me that he would face difficulty because of his mother because he was the only son and because he didn't have any brothers. Then my previous ex explained to me that because h...

Date #4. He was a Gujarati Dentist. And Uhmmm. . . let's just say this. . . .I was surprised that he  was someone who cleans mouths for a living because the dirtiest words came out of his mouth! The end. Next! Date #5 was a Sikh! When I saw him on that website, instead of saying hello, I wanted to say. . . "Brother are you lost? What are you doing here?" Lol! I opted out for hello and to be honest, he was actually one of the nicest and most thoughtful guys I went out with. He came to my side of town and we met up at a coffee shop. Now, I must remind you that I don't drink but even if I did, I wouldn't want my senses to be lessened by alcohol. I'd much rather have them sharper and more alert with coffee! I noticed that many guys wanted the first date and first meeting to be at a bar or a happy hour or something like that. Why?! Ladies, please opt for that first date to be coffee instead of "drinks." And if he can't do coffee, he shouldn't ...

Date #3! He was from Hyderabad. And folks, I know it's so bad stereotype, but they don't make that stuff up. South Indians are educated as heck! Date number three was interesting because two of my best friends decided to join me on it. :)  The hyderabadi guy wanted to meet me at a south Indian restaurant and it fell on the same weekend that one of my long time high school buddies was in town. My two guy friends from high school have known me for over ten years and they supported me through all of my crazy endeavors. They were going to support me on this too. :) Since this date was going to take place at an Indian restaurant, they would blend right in. They said they would come in a few minutes after my date and sit at a table near by. It was absolutely perfect. I wasn't alone, yet the guy didn't know about them hence he didn't feel intimated. The only difficult part would be for me to keep a straight face. The worst part was this. I met my two guy friends ...

So, before I go into date #3. . . . I went to Gurudwara yesterday. I went on a Sunday after a very long time. And, what I have to say is. . .OMG so much love. If I ever complain about my community, if I ever say anything even remotely negative about them, please note for the record. . . I love them. My community is like my family. They do things to upset me and hurt me but its only because I am so close to them and its because I sometimes expect so much from them. There are common traits and characteristics in every community that can be a bit unhealthy at times, sometimes more than others in different ways, but at the end of the day there is still love and that's all that matters. I probably speak the absolute worst Punjabi in the history of mankind (or womankind in my case!). But, my community doesn't care! The same Aunties and Uncles who thoroughly upset me at times absolutely love me. The Bhaisahibs (the priests) asked me where I had disappeared to ...

Okay, date # 2. . . . This one was actually the hardest and most difficult one to go on. It was because of 2 reasons. . . . #1. This was the first one that I went on by myself. And if any of you have ever been through a break up, you know that it's not easy. You can't forget about that person overnight no matter how much you want to. In fact, immediately following the break up, their ghost will literally haunt you night and day. You will see them everywhere and their voice will echo through your ears. Their voicemails and their pictures will still be in your phone and in your memory. And no matter how hard you try to not do this, you will compare every subsequent person to your ex. Nothing can fix this except time. I wrote on that stupid online profile of mine that I wanted to make friends first. I actually didn't want to go out on "dates." I wanted to hang out, meet new people, make new friends, and then possibly let that become something more. My best rela...

Ready for date #2? Okay, but you know I like to give out some background info first. ;) So, one of the guys on this website sent me a message and asked me, "Where are you from?" Where am I from? It sounds like such a simple and easy question but this is actually the most freaking difficult question that I have to constantly answer. I'm sure many people can relate. . . I'm from America damn it. I was born here. I was raised here. I live here. I plan to retire here. I responded to this person's question with the answer, "America :)" (yes, I even had the smiley face in my response) He then responded with, "What a smartass comment. You Indians are so stuck up." Ouch! It said on my profile that my ethnicity was Indian. So what was he asking me? And why so rude? I wasn't trying to be a smartass! Needless to say, I deleted the conversation and blocked him. I don't know what he was nor do I need to know. I just knew that he was mean. ...

Okay, finally! Date #1! Well, this was more like meeting #1. It was very unofficial. This was the first guy I started talking to on this website. We texted for a few days and then he invited me to his place of work which was a restaurant. He was a chef and he loved cooking for people. He was also a South Indian Catholic. I was intrigued. Isn't it Catholics who have to take a marriage class before their priest can conduct the marriage ceremony? That is genius. . . .I think everyone should take a marriage class before getting married. Shoot. . . I think everyone should take a marriage course for a semester or two before getting married! So, lets just call him the South Indian Chef. :) P.S. Just for the record. . . a man who can cook for his woman I think is extremely sweet and sexy. Unfortunately the men I've dated in the past couldn't even boil an egg yet they expected me to throw down 5 star Indian dishes. My father even told me and my sister, that if we are going to mar...

I'm back! Okay, back to the inner self and the artificial self! If I repeat myself too much I apologize. . . also if I go off on a tangent I apologize for that as well. There is so much that I think about and sometimes when I spill it all out on paper (or in this case a computer screen), it doesn't always come out in the most organized fashion. So. . .that inner self is exactly what is sounds like. . . .our inner self. . .our inner being which is actually calm and relaxed and is the least concerned about worldly dramas. Our artificial self however is unsettled, frustrated, angry and always chasing something A.K.A. our EGO. These two are often if not always at conflict with each other and some of us are successful at telling our artificial self to hush, but some of us are not. . . . I'll probably refer to this a lot in my upcoming blogs because it puts the whole world and my whole thought process into new perspective. To be honest, when I am thinking about this stuff I d...

Good evening :) I know I keep on postponing Date #1 but I have to share something that happened last night! Last night I had one of the most interesting conversations with one of the most interesting persons I've ever met. We had a discussion about the inner self and the artificial self. What's that you ask? Please allow me to explain. . . . .  ;) I've seen a major trend happening recently amongst all religions and all types of people. Many are going back to the core root of what their religion teaches and preaches. I hear more and more people talking about the "energies", the "universe", our "vessels", etc., etc. I believe the proper term is called Metaphysics. I first heard this concept being used in my favorite TV show, How I Met Your Mother (The final episode was great by the way. I loved it so don't hate!) I then heard the concept at an Oprah concert. Yes, it was an Oprah concert. It was in a huge stadium and we all had those glow-in...

Okay. Here goes. . . . Date #1. . . no. Wait. You guys need more background info! You guys need to know my mindset before going into this! Okay, date #1 will have to wait for a sec. . . . . My most recent relationship was devastating. No, gut wrenching. Allow me to explain. I was in it for 3 years. I thought I found the one. There was a problem though. The thing about me is this: I value honor, respect, tradition, religion, and culture very much but to a certain degree. However, I come from one of the most un-traditional families you'll ever meet. Despite this,  I think I balance myself pretty well. I've dated guys who share my same outlook but they came from extremely traditional families. My father warned me about this early on but I never understood until now. So what if a guy's family is crazy traditional or religious? It won't affect him or me, right? WRONG. Not everyone is like me. In fact, no one is like me. No Indian woman will be crazy enough to leave her f...

Hello. Is this really working? OMG I've been using a paper diary/journal for years. Thank you dear friend for introducing me to the world of blogging! Well, to start out with my name is . . . uhmmmm. . . if you found me on facebook, you already know my name. If you found me elsewhere, you can call me Miss Kaur for now. ;) I'm going to write a book! But first I'm going to write a blog. Especially now at a very eventful turning point in my life. You see. . . just like my title says. . . I was born here in America. But my family, my friends, my community have all raised me to believe in certain values, traditions, and customs that constantly conflict with each other. Hence. . . major confusion in my life. And you know how they say. . . . you have to know yourself and love yourself before you can truly be with someone else? Alas, this may be why none of my relationships have worked out in the past 10 years. While I do love myself dearly, I don't think I truly knew mys...