American Born Confused Sikh

So date #5 was interesting for this reason. . . . . . . This particular Sikh guy had a past full of ups and downs like the most of us but he had a really positive outlook on his current situation and the future. He was also a Sagittarius like myself so it was easy for me to connect to him in this manner. Yet there was one thing he said that totally threw me off. . . . He had an older brother who was married and who was currently taking care of his mother. His older brother and his mother were having some issues. His family told him that since he is the youngest brother, it was his responsibility to take care of his mother. Now, please let me explain why this was so interesting and astonishing to me. Several years ago I had a long distance relationship with a Sikh. He was the only son. He always told me that he would face difficulty because of his mother because he was the only son and because he didn't have any brothers. Then my previous ex explained to me that because h...

Date #4. He was a Gujarati Dentist. And Uhmmm. . . let's just say this. . . .I was surprised that he  was someone who cleans mouths for a living because the dirtiest words came out of his mouth! The end. Next! Date #5 was a Sikh! When I saw him on that website, instead of saying hello, I wanted to say. . . "Brother are you lost? What are you doing here?" Lol! I opted out for hello and to be honest, he was actually one of the nicest and most thoughtful guys I went out with. He came to my side of town and we met up at a coffee shop. Now, I must remind you that I don't drink but even if I did, I wouldn't want my senses to be lessened by alcohol. I'd much rather have them sharper and more alert with coffee! I noticed that many guys wanted the first date and first meeting to be at a bar or a happy hour or something like that. Why?! Ladies, please opt for that first date to be coffee instead of "drinks." And if he can't do coffee, he shouldn't ...

Date #3! He was from Hyderabad. And folks, I know it's so bad stereotype, but they don't make that stuff up. South Indians are educated as heck! Date number three was interesting because two of my best friends decided to join me on it. :)  The hyderabadi guy wanted to meet me at a south Indian restaurant and it fell on the same weekend that one of my long time high school buddies was in town. My two guy friends from high school have known me for over ten years and they supported me through all of my crazy endeavors. They were going to support me on this too. :) Since this date was going to take place at an Indian restaurant, they would blend right in. They said they would come in a few minutes after my date and sit at a table near by. It was absolutely perfect. I wasn't alone, yet the guy didn't know about them hence he didn't feel intimated. The only difficult part would be for me to keep a straight face. The worst part was this. I met my two guy friends ...

So, before I go into date #3. . . . I went to Gurudwara yesterday. I went on a Sunday after a very long time. And, what I have to say is. . .OMG so much love. If I ever complain about my community, if I ever say anything even remotely negative about them, please note for the record. . . I love them. My community is like my family. They do things to upset me and hurt me but its only because I am so close to them and its because I sometimes expect so much from them. There are common traits and characteristics in every community that can be a bit unhealthy at times, sometimes more than others in different ways, but at the end of the day there is still love and that's all that matters. I probably speak the absolute worst Punjabi in the history of mankind (or womankind in my case!). But, my community doesn't care! The same Aunties and Uncles who thoroughly upset me at times absolutely love me. The Bhaisahibs (the priests) asked me where I had disappeared to ...

Okay, date # 2. . . . This one was actually the hardest and most difficult one to go on. It was because of 2 reasons. . . . #1. This was the first one that I went on by myself. And if any of you have ever been through a break up, you know that it's not easy. You can't forget about that person overnight no matter how much you want to. In fact, immediately following the break up, their ghost will literally haunt you night and day. You will see them everywhere and their voice will echo through your ears. Their voicemails and their pictures will still be in your phone and in your memory. And no matter how hard you try to not do this, you will compare every subsequent person to your ex. Nothing can fix this except time. I wrote on that stupid online profile of mine that I wanted to make friends first. I actually didn't want to go out on "dates." I wanted to hang out, meet new people, make new friends, and then possibly let that become something more. My best rela...

Ready for date #2? Okay, but you know I like to give out some background info first. ;) So, one of the guys on this website sent me a message and asked me, "Where are you from?" Where am I from? It sounds like such a simple and easy question but this is actually the most freaking difficult question that I have to constantly answer. I'm sure many people can relate. . . I'm from America damn it. I was born here. I was raised here. I live here. I plan to retire here. I responded to this person's question with the answer, "America :)" (yes, I even had the smiley face in my response) He then responded with, "What a smartass comment. You Indians are so stuck up." Ouch! It said on my profile that my ethnicity was Indian. So what was he asking me? And why so rude? I wasn't trying to be a smartass! Needless to say, I deleted the conversation and blocked him. I don't know what he was nor do I need to know. I just knew that he was mean. ...

Okay, finally! Date #1! Well, this was more like meeting #1. It was very unofficial. This was the first guy I started talking to on this website. We texted for a few days and then he invited me to his place of work which was a restaurant. He was a chef and he loved cooking for people. He was also a South Indian Catholic. I was intrigued. Isn't it Catholics who have to take a marriage class before their priest can conduct the marriage ceremony? That is genius. . . .I think everyone should take a marriage class before getting married. Shoot. . . I think everyone should take a marriage course for a semester or two before getting married! So, lets just call him the South Indian Chef. :) P.S. Just for the record. . . a man who can cook for his woman I think is extremely sweet and sexy. Unfortunately the men I've dated in the past couldn't even boil an egg yet they expected me to throw down 5 star Indian dishes. My father even told me and my sister, that if we are going to mar...

I'm back! Okay, back to the inner self and the artificial self! If I repeat myself too much I apologize. . . also if I go off on a tangent I apologize for that as well. There is so much that I think about and sometimes when I spill it all out on paper (or in this case a computer screen), it doesn't always come out in the most organized fashion. So. . .that inner self is exactly what is sounds like. . . .our inner self. . .our inner being which is actually calm and relaxed and is the least concerned about worldly dramas. Our artificial self however is unsettled, frustrated, angry and always chasing something A.K.A. our EGO. These two are often if not always at conflict with each other and some of us are successful at telling our artificial self to hush, but some of us are not. . . . I'll probably refer to this a lot in my upcoming blogs because it puts the whole world and my whole thought process into new perspective. To be honest, when I am thinking about this stuff I d...

Good evening :) I know I keep on postponing Date #1 but I have to share something that happened last night! Last night I had one of the most interesting conversations with one of the most interesting persons I've ever met. We had a discussion about the inner self and the artificial self. What's that you ask? Please allow me to explain. . . . .  ;) I've seen a major trend happening recently amongst all religions and all types of people. Many are going back to the core root of what their religion teaches and preaches. I hear more and more people talking about the "energies", the "universe", our "vessels", etc., etc. I believe the proper term is called Metaphysics. I first heard this concept being used in my favorite TV show, How I Met Your Mother (The final episode was great by the way. I loved it so don't hate!) I then heard the concept at an Oprah concert. Yes, it was an Oprah concert. It was in a huge stadium and we all had those glow-in...

Okay. Here goes. . . . Date #1. . . no. Wait. You guys need more background info! You guys need to know my mindset before going into this! Okay, date #1 will have to wait for a sec. . . . . My most recent relationship was devastating. No, gut wrenching. Allow me to explain. I was in it for 3 years. I thought I found the one. There was a problem though. The thing about me is this: I value honor, respect, tradition, religion, and culture very much but to a certain degree. However, I come from one of the most un-traditional families you'll ever meet. Despite this,  I think I balance myself pretty well. I've dated guys who share my same outlook but they came from extremely traditional families. My father warned me about this early on but I never understood until now. So what if a guy's family is crazy traditional or religious? It won't affect him or me, right? WRONG. Not everyone is like me. In fact, no one is like me. No Indian woman will be crazy enough to leave her f...

Hello. Is this really working? OMG I've been using a paper diary/journal for years. Thank you dear friend for introducing me to the world of blogging! Well, to start out with my name is . . . uhmmmm. . . if you found me on facebook, you already know my name. If you found me elsewhere, you can call me Miss Kaur for now. ;) I'm going to write a book! But first I'm going to write a blog. Especially now at a very eventful turning point in my life. You see. . . just like my title says. . . I was born here in America. But my family, my friends, my community have all raised me to believe in certain values, traditions, and customs that constantly conflict with each other. Hence. . . major confusion in my life. And you know how they say. . . . you have to know yourself and love yourself before you can truly be with someone else? Alas, this may be why none of my relationships have worked out in the past 10 years. While I do love myself dearly, I don't think I truly knew mys...