My postpartum weight and health journey! (As a 40 year old mom!)

Dear Future Navi and Niraalam,

Whoa. It's been almost a year since I've written a blog. A whole freakin year. I cannot believe it! You guys keep me busy! And tired! SO TIRED. But both of you are my sun and moon and stars and universe and entire world and I am incredibly blessed to have both of you and your father in my life. But wow, it's been quite a year. Niraalam, you turned one! I turned 40! We all took a trip to America! Navi, you came with me to Texas! We recently went to London! And even more recently we went to the beach in Ayr! (Our first beach visit in Scotland!) Phew! Yet, amongst all of this my weight and health have been a bit up and down. . . . . 

I've been wanting to write about this one for a while. Navi, you'll probably relate to this one a lot more, but Niraalam, you should read it so that you know how to support your wife in the future! You need to know how to treat the ladies right! ;) 

So, I think I've mentioned this in my previous blogs but Navi, after I gave birth to you, I was shocked at how much my body changed. Even though everyone tells you that your stomach doesn't automatically disappear after giving birth and you actually still look pregnant after giving birth, it is still such a shock! It's crazy because women spend nine months making a brand new human being and in my opinion,  we should be rewarded afterwards with a flat stomach and a six pack. But, instead we are kind of punished with a saggy tummy and stretch marks galore! When I first saw myself in the mirror I just didn't recognize myself. My old clothes were too tight and my maternity clothes were obviously too big. Nothing looked right. Nothing fit right. I felt so insecure. There's regular fat but then there's postpartum fat and you can't hide the postpartum fat! It is hard to deal with. In fact, I remember troubling your father a lot about it. After giving birth, I remember asking him often, "are you still attracted to me?!" while hormonally crying non stop. LOL (God bless him!)  He did say yes every single time, but I often didn't believe him because I didn't feel attracted to myself. Although, once my hormones came back to normal, once I got more sleep, and once I got into the groove of taking on the new role of "mom", I was actually surprised and grateful that yes, he was still attracted to me. After all, I got pregnant again! 🙃 

Navi, you were about 18 months old when it happened. Weeks prior to that, I started working out and eating well and cutting out all sugar. I dropped a few pounds and I started loosing weight and I was so excited. But of course it came to a halt once I got pregnant again. I had gotten pregnant on top of the gained baby weight from my first pregnancy. Alas! But I knew that it was a miracle for me to get pregnant again even thought it was a bit unexpected. And so I accepted it and everything it came with including more weight. After giving birth to you Niraalam, I was now at my highest weight ever. But this time, I didn't fret about it. This time I didn't cry. I didn't ask your father if he was still attracted to me. I didn't need to, because this time, I was attracted to me. My body had created two amazing miracles. I looked in the mirror and I was proud of my body. 

However, I still had a wardrobe full of clothes that either didn't fit right or didn't fit at all. That included western clothes AND Indian clothes. Even though I was proud of my body, I still wanted to loose the excess weight. For the first 6 months after you Niraalam, I took it easy. You aren't supposed to hard core exercise after the first 3 months following a c-section anyways, but I didn't properly exercise for 6 months. And you know what? I had stayed the exact same weight. I though to myself, in another 6 months, I could be at the same place or I could work hard and bring it down. And so, whenever you napped, I turned on a Bollywood Zumba video on youtube. I once again cut out sugar and ate healthy. I started intermittent fasting too, that helped a lot! And 6 months later, I was down by 20 pounds! It could have been more but it's hard when you are a mom! But I was so grateful as my jeans fit and the majority of my wardrobe fit so much better. Your father even said, "there's less of you to hug!" which was kind of the perfect thing for him to say. LOL!  He has loved me at all of my weight fluctuations and I am forever grateful to him for that. 

We then went to America. And upon coming back, I started work again. And unfortunately now, I'm at a stand still again because I don't have time to exercise anymore. I'm often super tired so lattes and sugar are back in my life. But I'm okay. I have never accepted my body more than I do now. I still want to loose weight and I know I will. Progress just might be a little more slow this time. 

Now, I am not only just focused on my weight,  I am focused on my overall health. As great as the America trip was, it was also very, very tiring. I didn't get to sleep on any of the flights nor did I get to sleep days after. Jet lag was horrible. Especially coming back. It took you guys a week to get re-adjusted and that meant that I didn't sleep for a week. My throat started hurting in the states but when we came back it progressed to full-on tonsillitis. It took months and 4 ROUNDS of antibiotics to get rid of it. I know! The doctor was concerned because the antibiotics weren't working so she ordered a full blood count on me. She thought I could have been diabetic as this is apparently a symptom. When she said that I started crying right there and then in her office. She asked if I took vitamins and I said no because I just loose track and I'm just too tired to keep up with that kind of stuff. She reminded me that in order to take care of you guys, I have to take care of myself first. And so I waited for the results of my blood test, and thankfully I don't have diabetes. I do have "abnormally low levels of iron" though. So, I am now taking a multivitamin, D3 + K2, and of course an extra iron pill on top of the multivitamin. Apparently you need iron to grow hair and my level was so low that I wasn't growing new hair!!! I thought it was just a post partum syndrome! 

It's been a few weeks since I've been taking the vitamins and I already do feel better. I feel like I have more energy and I am not crashing at 8pm when I put you guys to sleep. I can now stay awake until 10pm. (Hence, why I can now write this blog!) 

I'll never tell you guys when to get married or when to have kids. But I do kind of get why our elders wanted us to have kids early. You just have more energy when you are younger. Your immune system works better when you are younger. You are more functional even though you get less sleep. And, I'm pretty sure your body bounces back quicker when you are younger too. But you know what? Everyone has a different destiny. I am way more mature now than I was in my 20's and that maturity is definitely a requirement to being a parent! So, I got my pill organizer and my Stanley cup to stay hydrated. I'm going to try to cut out sugar again. And I will do my absolute best to stay healthy for you guys and by the Grace of God I'll be here for you both for a long time. But at the very least, hopefully I can write more blogs. ;) 

Just let mommy get some sleep, okay? Okay! 

Love, 

Mom :)