Just a friend. . . .
I know, I know, it's been a while! My sister got married! Sheesh! And if any of you have seen, been in, heard about, or know anything about Indian weddings. . . it's a lot. Take that and multiply it by 10 since this little Indian bride is a graphic designer! But more on that later. . . . MUCH more on that later. . . .
So, I last left you all at a friendship that developed between me and the "white guy." LOL Which brings me to today's topic and a question that has been asked since the beginning of time. . . .Can guys and girls be just friends?!
Over 7 years ago, my sister and this guy started talking and when approached about it, she would say, "Didi, we are just friends!" Fast forward into the future to many years later and I'm planning their wedding. . . .
My answer is yes and no. . . . I know that's not answering your question just yet. . . .but please allow me to explain ;)
Growing up, I've been blessed to have a lot of great guy friends. In fact, I've always had more male friends than female friends for one simple reason. I moved out early and I didn't have the typical Indian female "be home before the sun sets" curfew! I learned many things over the years with all of my guy friends and so here is my philosophy . . . . .
If a guy and a girl have purely a brother/sister relationship then I believe they can and do have the purest form of friendship that a male and female can have. This is the "yes" part of my answer. They will always be completely honest with each other. They will always have each other's back. And they will always stay in each other's lives no matter what.
However, if either the guy or girl have even the slightest bit of attraction to that other person whether it be physically or emotionally or both, they can be "friends" but it won't be a pure friendship. This is the "no" part of my answer. The girl might put on some extra makeup when seeing this male friend. The guy might put on a bit of extra cologne when seeing this female friend. There may or may not be innocent flirting. They might also hide things from each other because they are more concerned about what the other person thinks of them rather than the actual "friendship" itself.
But honestly, it's okay! It's completely normal. It's something that the elders have always known and seen and understood in my opinion. (Is that the reason for the curfew? Grrrrrrr)
Needless to say, my new white male friend was not happy about being placed in the "friend zone." And needless to say, the friendship did not last long. It had an expiration date. Most friendships in the second category do. But it's okay.
It's okay because the "one" with whom you end up spending your life with will also be your best friend. At the beginning you might have hid things from that person. But, if that person is the "one" a point will come where you will tell that person every thing and they will end up knowing you better than you know yourself. The "one" is a relationship that surpasses all levels and it as pure as category 1 and is as fun as category 2.
Some male and female friendships exist as each other's backup. And honestly that's not a pure friendship nor will it ever be a pure future relationship!
Can ex's be "just friends"? Sure . . . . .but again. . . how pure will THAT friendship be?
One of my favorite old school songs. . . .
The Indian version of the "friend zone"
As always, there is no right or wrong. . . but there is honest and dishonest and there is pure and not pure. . . When it's honest and when it's pure, it's the "one." But before I got to the one, I had to do something that I swore I would never do. I had to do something that went against all of my beliefs. I did something that made me question myself as an individual. . . . .
I made a profile on shaadi.com. . . . .
So, I last left you all at a friendship that developed between me and the "white guy." LOL Which brings me to today's topic and a question that has been asked since the beginning of time. . . .Can guys and girls be just friends?!
Over 7 years ago, my sister and this guy started talking and when approached about it, she would say, "Didi, we are just friends!" Fast forward into the future to many years later and I'm planning their wedding. . . .
My answer is yes and no. . . . I know that's not answering your question just yet. . . .but please allow me to explain ;)
Growing up, I've been blessed to have a lot of great guy friends. In fact, I've always had more male friends than female friends for one simple reason. I moved out early and I didn't have the typical Indian female "be home before the sun sets" curfew! I learned many things over the years with all of my guy friends and so here is my philosophy . . . . .
If a guy and a girl have purely a brother/sister relationship then I believe they can and do have the purest form of friendship that a male and female can have. This is the "yes" part of my answer. They will always be completely honest with each other. They will always have each other's back. And they will always stay in each other's lives no matter what.
However, if either the guy or girl have even the slightest bit of attraction to that other person whether it be physically or emotionally or both, they can be "friends" but it won't be a pure friendship. This is the "no" part of my answer. The girl might put on some extra makeup when seeing this male friend. The guy might put on a bit of extra cologne when seeing this female friend. There may or may not be innocent flirting. They might also hide things from each other because they are more concerned about what the other person thinks of them rather than the actual "friendship" itself.
But honestly, it's okay! It's completely normal. It's something that the elders have always known and seen and understood in my opinion. (Is that the reason for the curfew? Grrrrrrr)
Needless to say, my new white male friend was not happy about being placed in the "friend zone." And needless to say, the friendship did not last long. It had an expiration date. Most friendships in the second category do. But it's okay.
It's okay because the "one" with whom you end up spending your life with will also be your best friend. At the beginning you might have hid things from that person. But, if that person is the "one" a point will come where you will tell that person every thing and they will end up knowing you better than you know yourself. The "one" is a relationship that surpasses all levels and it as pure as category 1 and is as fun as category 2.
Some male and female friendships exist as each other's backup. And honestly that's not a pure friendship nor will it ever be a pure future relationship!
Can ex's be "just friends"? Sure . . . . .but again. . . how pure will THAT friendship be?
One of my favorite old school songs. . . .
The Indian version of the "friend zone"
As always, there is no right or wrong. . . but there is honest and dishonest and there is pure and not pure. . . When it's honest and when it's pure, it's the "one." But before I got to the one, I had to do something that I swore I would never do. I had to do something that went against all of my beliefs. I did something that made me question myself as an individual. . . . .
I made a profile on shaadi.com. . . . .
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