Creating Safe Spaces. . . .
So, everyone is still wondering. Am I still with him? Nope. In fact, shortly after the first incident, he said something very similar to me again and I finally came to the realization. . . he's not gonna change.
Can he change? Can anyone change? Of course they can! But, in my opinion three very important things have to happen first:
#1. He has to want to change - You can talk to him. Your friends can talk to him. Your parents can talk to him. His parents can talk to him (although they are probably the reason that he's like that in the first place.) >:( If he doesn't think he is wrong and if it is not coming from his own heart, even President Obama could talk to him and HE STILL WON'T CHANGE!
#2. He has to put in effort to change. He has to change his surrounding, his environment, his friends, and yes even his family. He has to change the energy that surrounds him and he has to change the energy within himself. He has to connect to God some how. . some way. . .it's not enough to just pray. . he has to believe in what he is praying for. . .he has to control his own thoughts and actions the next time a difficult situation comes up. . . .
#3. The most important. As a Sikh. . . he has to have the Grace of the Guru. Without this, nothing can be attained. . . .
So, am I moving back to Texas? My loved ones told me to come back home. They are ready to fly here, pack up my stuff with me, and drive back with me. The love and support that I've gotten from them is so heart warming and over whelming that it's brought me to tears. I struggled with this decision for a while, but I have decided: I'm staying. :) (For now at least!)
Don't get me wrong. . . my heart will always lie deep in the heart of Texas. But it's not the actual city where my heart lies in. It's not the trafficy roads of I-10 or the hot and humid weather or the beloved barbeque and TexMex restaurants that make my mouth water. LOL. My heart lies with my friends and family and even though I'm physically not with them, they are with me 24/7. They are my support. They are my rock. They are my shield. They are my safe space.
For every one of you that listened to me, that called me, that messaged me, that are ready to come here and bring me back, that simply asked, "Are you okay?" Thank you. I owe you my life.
I recently went to a Sikh retreat here in California. The majority of the crowd was approximately 18-21 years of age. Here's the funny thing: I am 31 years old and all of you thought I was 21! Muahhhhhhh God bless you all! hehehehe The beautiful thing about this was that a lot of you opened up to me about your own struggles and battles, whether it be with Gurudwara or parents or relationships. A lot of you have been shut down by the Gurudwara and/or your parents. You were afraid to ask questions about Sikhi and you can't ask anyone about your boyfriend or girlfriend because your parents don't even know you have one!
A lot of girls shared things with me during lunch, in between workshops, late at night at a coffee run and I offered my 2 cents to all of you and at the end, everyone said the same thing to me, "I feel safe with you." I was happy and sad. I was happy that I could offer a lending ear of listening and advice and support. I was sad that I was there for only 3 days.
When I left the retreat I was actually really heartbroken. I couldn't think of anything else for days. I was angry at the Gurudwara. I was angry at our aunties and uncles. I was upset with our Bhaisahibs and priests. A lot of problems within our community and really any community can be solved by one simple thing: creating safe spaces. We are on our way with retreats and camps. . . .however, I wish I could go back in time and open up a safe space at Gurudwara in Houston, but I can't. I wish I could create safe spaces at the Gurudwaras here in California, but I can't. But. . .I can create a safe space for you all here online in the virtual world. And so, I thought it over. I discussed it over. I contacted my greatest source of inspiration and soulful healing: my sister. :)
Introducing. . . . . . . . . . Mrs. Kaur and Miss Kaur: 2 cents from 2 sisters!
I know that there are a lot of online discussion forums out there for Sikhs. But one more can't hurt, right? However, this actually won't be a true discussion forum, it will be an advice column. We'd like for you all to e-mail us your questions about Sikhi. . . about love. . .about relationships. . . about anything really. It can be serious. It can be simple. And even for my non-Sikh friends. Do you have a question about our religion that you are too afraid to ask and just can't find online or don't have time to read those brochures that we pass out you? Ask us. :) We are not claiming to be experts on Sikhi but if we don't have an answer we will find you an answer.
Oh wait! You guys don't know anything about my sister!!! Okay. . . she is 5 years younger than me. She is 26. She is married. She lives with her in-laws. ( I knowwww, right!) Yes, she too was born and raised here in America. Oh, and she is an amritdhari. ;) She is in love with our Gurus and she is love with Oprah. :) No, really. . . while the rest of us having been trying to go that Beyoncé concert, she took me to an Oprah concert!
Like with any advice column or anything like that, will the advice and suggestions that we give you be biased? Yes. It will be. We both are women. We both are American. We both had to find our own Sikhi. Those who know us personally know that we are different as day and night but we love each other so much. We have fought through tough times and we have supported each other through even tougher times. Again, we are not claiming to be experts on anything but I believe that combined we have a unique set of experiences that can help us help you. We asked many of the same questions that you are probably asking right now. Our parents are divorced and re-married. We heard the fights. We have been in the fights. But we made it. My sister lives on the east coast and I live on the west coast. My sister is married and I am well. . . you know. . .a hot mess! But, I believe from the bottom of my heart, that we are all a hot mess. ;) At the end of the day, we will encourage you to make your own decisions. We are passionate about one thing. . . . . . you.
So, please. . .share this blog. . .and start e-mailing us at: Americanbornconfusedsikh@gmail.com. Also, please note, we don't need to know your name or where you are from or anything about you unless you want us to know. You can sign off with either your real name, or a pen name, or no name. We don't care. We just want to help you. We will start off by choosing one question per week and posting them and responding to them on here. Later on, we might go to twitter or Instagram or whatever the heck it is you kids are using nowadays. LOL. We may even start vlogging once we get the technical stuff down. We will also start posting about random topics and/or trends that have been affecting our community.
At the end of the day, we want you to know that. . . .you all are a reflection of us and we are a reflection of you. :)
Bhull Chuk Maaf
Mrs. Kaur and Miss Kaur ;)
Can he change? Can anyone change? Of course they can! But, in my opinion three very important things have to happen first:
#1. He has to want to change - You can talk to him. Your friends can talk to him. Your parents can talk to him. His parents can talk to him (although they are probably the reason that he's like that in the first place.) >:( If he doesn't think he is wrong and if it is not coming from his own heart, even President Obama could talk to him and HE STILL WON'T CHANGE!
#2. He has to put in effort to change. He has to change his surrounding, his environment, his friends, and yes even his family. He has to change the energy that surrounds him and he has to change the energy within himself. He has to connect to God some how. . some way. . .it's not enough to just pray. . he has to believe in what he is praying for. . .he has to control his own thoughts and actions the next time a difficult situation comes up. . . .
#3. The most important. As a Sikh. . . he has to have the Grace of the Guru. Without this, nothing can be attained. . . .
So, am I moving back to Texas? My loved ones told me to come back home. They are ready to fly here, pack up my stuff with me, and drive back with me. The love and support that I've gotten from them is so heart warming and over whelming that it's brought me to tears. I struggled with this decision for a while, but I have decided: I'm staying. :) (For now at least!)
Don't get me wrong. . . my heart will always lie deep in the heart of Texas. But it's not the actual city where my heart lies in. It's not the trafficy roads of I-10 or the hot and humid weather or the beloved barbeque and TexMex restaurants that make my mouth water. LOL. My heart lies with my friends and family and even though I'm physically not with them, they are with me 24/7. They are my support. They are my rock. They are my shield. They are my safe space.
For every one of you that listened to me, that called me, that messaged me, that are ready to come here and bring me back, that simply asked, "Are you okay?" Thank you. I owe you my life.
I recently went to a Sikh retreat here in California. The majority of the crowd was approximately 18-21 years of age. Here's the funny thing: I am 31 years old and all of you thought I was 21! Muahhhhhhh God bless you all! hehehehe The beautiful thing about this was that a lot of you opened up to me about your own struggles and battles, whether it be with Gurudwara or parents or relationships. A lot of you have been shut down by the Gurudwara and/or your parents. You were afraid to ask questions about Sikhi and you can't ask anyone about your boyfriend or girlfriend because your parents don't even know you have one!
A lot of girls shared things with me during lunch, in between workshops, late at night at a coffee run and I offered my 2 cents to all of you and at the end, everyone said the same thing to me, "I feel safe with you." I was happy and sad. I was happy that I could offer a lending ear of listening and advice and support. I was sad that I was there for only 3 days.
When I left the retreat I was actually really heartbroken. I couldn't think of anything else for days. I was angry at the Gurudwara. I was angry at our aunties and uncles. I was upset with our Bhaisahibs and priests. A lot of problems within our community and really any community can be solved by one simple thing: creating safe spaces. We are on our way with retreats and camps. . . .however, I wish I could go back in time and open up a safe space at Gurudwara in Houston, but I can't. I wish I could create safe spaces at the Gurudwaras here in California, but I can't. But. . .I can create a safe space for you all here online in the virtual world. And so, I thought it over. I discussed it over. I contacted my greatest source of inspiration and soulful healing: my sister. :)
Introducing. . . . . . . . . . Mrs. Kaur and Miss Kaur: 2 cents from 2 sisters!
I know that there are a lot of online discussion forums out there for Sikhs. But one more can't hurt, right? However, this actually won't be a true discussion forum, it will be an advice column. We'd like for you all to e-mail us your questions about Sikhi. . . about love. . .about relationships. . . about anything really. It can be serious. It can be simple. And even for my non-Sikh friends. Do you have a question about our religion that you are too afraid to ask and just can't find online or don't have time to read those brochures that we pass out you? Ask us. :) We are not claiming to be experts on Sikhi but if we don't have an answer we will find you an answer.
Oh wait! You guys don't know anything about my sister!!! Okay. . . she is 5 years younger than me. She is 26. She is married. She lives with her in-laws. ( I knowwww, right!) Yes, she too was born and raised here in America. Oh, and she is an amritdhari. ;) She is in love with our Gurus and she is love with Oprah. :) No, really. . . while the rest of us having been trying to go that Beyoncé concert, she took me to an Oprah concert!
Like with any advice column or anything like that, will the advice and suggestions that we give you be biased? Yes. It will be. We both are women. We both are American. We both had to find our own Sikhi. Those who know us personally know that we are different as day and night but we love each other so much. We have fought through tough times and we have supported each other through even tougher times. Again, we are not claiming to be experts on anything but I believe that combined we have a unique set of experiences that can help us help you. We asked many of the same questions that you are probably asking right now. Our parents are divorced and re-married. We heard the fights. We have been in the fights. But we made it. My sister lives on the east coast and I live on the west coast. My sister is married and I am well. . . you know. . .a hot mess! But, I believe from the bottom of my heart, that we are all a hot mess. ;) At the end of the day, we will encourage you to make your own decisions. We are passionate about one thing. . . . . . you.
So, please. . .share this blog. . .and start e-mailing us at: Americanbornconfusedsikh@gmail.com. Also, please note, we don't need to know your name or where you are from or anything about you unless you want us to know. You can sign off with either your real name, or a pen name, or no name. We don't care. We just want to help you. We will start off by choosing one question per week and posting them and responding to them on here. Later on, we might go to twitter or Instagram or whatever the heck it is you kids are using nowadays. LOL. We may even start vlogging once we get the technical stuff down. We will also start posting about random topics and/or trends that have been affecting our community.
At the end of the day, we want you to know that. . . .you all are a reflection of us and we are a reflection of you. :)
Bhull Chuk Maaf
Mrs. Kaur and Miss Kaur ;)
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