American Born Confused Sikh

My Dear Navi, One of the greatest lessons I want to teach you is to not give an F* about what people think about what you say, what you do, and most importantly how you look.  As life goes on and constantly changes, so will your appearance, your outlook on fashion, your makeup preferences and your weight. By all means, I hope that in the future you are still eating and loving all of your veggies (especially when I put them into a yummy tomato pasta!) and all of your fruits. I hope you are still loving the outdoors and that you take walks, and jogs, and exercise so that you can live your best and healthiest and most fulfilling life.  But please know that your weight might fluctuate time and time again and it's not a big deal! When I was in college, I worked retail and I was on my feet 24/7. I was pretty skinny. But then when I graduated I got a sit down office job and I went out to eat a lot with my friends and I gained quite a bit of weight. (But I do not regret that time spen...

Wow, I haven't written since January! But I can't help it. When given the option of write or sleep, sleep always wins! #newparent!  I've been wanting to write about pregnancy, birth, breastfeeding, formula, baby, baby with covid, daycare dramas, milestones, maternity leave, stay at home mom, working mom and gosh so much more. Our baby girl recently turned one and my goodness it has been quite a year! And as I watch her on the baby monitor to my left with a big pile of laundry to fold on my right, with all of the emotions and with everything that we've been through, the one word I have to summarize all of it is: Thankful.  So, so, so thankful. This will sound super cheesy and almost a little Bollywood, but yes, my daughter is the apple of my eye, my heart and soul, and my new purpose in life. Even when she gets tomato pasta all over the floor and the wall, even when she flips over and crawls away while I change her poopy diaper, even when she wakes me up numerous times t...

"I think it's time we get a dog."  It had been six months since the miscarriage. Six months of trying. Six months of prenatal pills and ovulation tests and heartbreaking periods. Every month was a huge disappointment because the nurses and doctors said that I would be extra fertile during this period. They said that the first 6 months after giving birth or having a miscarriage was an extremely fertile time and there was nothing wrong with me and they were confident that I could get pregnant again.  But month after month, nothing was happening. And every time I got my period, it brought back the trauma of the miscarriage. I was getting depressed. I lost my job. And because of covid 19, countrywide lockdowns were in full effect. Everything was closed. Travel was banned. And meeting with people in general was pretty much forbidden. (Unless you were the prime minister of the United Kingdom of course. Then you could go to parties and do whatever you want!) But for an extrovert...

Gurpurab 2020. Alas!  Like all other holidays, birthdays, anniversaries, and events that have occurred since March of this year, it has been quite a challenge to celebrate and enjoy them fully. And for a faith that is very much focused on community, it has been exceptionally challenging for us Sikhs.  When the whole world went into a strict lockdown back in March, I think one of the hardest pieces of it all was not being able to go to the Gurudwara. I felt isolated from my community and even worse, I felt isolated from my Guru!  I know. I know. You don't have to go to Gurudwara to do your paath or to connect to the Guru or Waheguru. You can do everything at home. But it's not the same!!!! I'm an extrovert. I like people. And even if I don't know anyone at a Gurudwara, just sitting amongst a sangat feels nice. Their energy and vibrations rub off onto me and vise versa. So as you can see, going into lockdown gave me major anxiety.  But then something kind of amazing ha...

Sometime in the 1700’s – Delhi, India   The Afghan Moghuls had invaded India and slaughtered thousands of men in battle, looted tons of treasure, and kidnapped and abducted a lot of Hindu women. (One source said it was 22,000. Another source said it was 2,200. But regardless, it was a lot of women!) The Moghuls were planning to take these women back to Afghanistan so that they could be sold into slavery and on the way, these women would be used by the Afghan soldiers to “satisfy their lust”.    When news of these horrific events reached the Sikhs, they came together and made plans to rescue these kidnapped women. Led by Sardar Jassa Singh Ahluwalia, the Sikhs made midnight raids and rescues and saved the women and children that were stolen by the Moghals. Unfortunately, many women and widows were not accepted back into their families. When their own families rejected them, they were welcomed and embraced by the Sikhs and they were able to marry the Sikh soldiers. ...

It pains me to write about this. It pains me to put the words "sexual abuse" and "Sikh" in the same sentence and the same title. But after watching two parents tell the story of how their daughter was sexually abused by a respected priest, I felt compelled to write this.  I like so many other American Sikhs grew up going to Sikh camps and Sikh retreats in my young adult life. I've been a camper and a counselor. I've been to retreats on the East coast and the West coast (and even Canada!) And I've always had amazing experiences from each of these retreats. I made connections with Sikhs around the country but most of all, at every retreat I always took away a little more knowledge and a little more renewed perspective, admiration, and love for my faith.  There was often a common thread at many of these retreats and camps that influenced my Sikh learning journey greatly: Bhai Gurdarshan Singh. In a sea of Punjabi-speaking priests, Bhai Gurdarshan Singh was ...

As we have all learned these past few weeks, we take a lot for granted. Traveling. Meeting friends. Going to events and parties. Going to people's houses. Going to the grocery store. Heck, just stepping outside your front door! But up until a few weeks ago, I took the most basic human function for granted: Breathing.  On the day that my doctor told me over the phone that I had Covid-19, I started getting this tight feeling in my chest and I started feeling very breathless. I was still in denial that I actually had it. The doctor hadn't seen me in person. I hadn't been tested. She said I have flu-like symptoms so I have it. But what if it was just a regular flu? Maybe it was just a chest infection? Why did it have to be Covid-19? At the end of the week, the shortness of breath and the tight and heavy feeling in my chest was starting to become constant. My chest felt heavy and tight with every single breath that I took. The longer it went on the more worried I got a...