Hello! I'm the sister. I really loved the last post on here and my sister's words really ignited some thoughts of my own, so I thought I'd go ahead and give my half of our two cents on the topic. Enjoy!
A few things on my mind-
Yes we should wait for that all star employee, but what if we think we've found him, like we really truly truly believe it, and then it's years later and we find ourselves single again.
What if we did wait? We did evaluate? We do have our self respect and we certainly just Know that, yeah, this guy is the real deal. What do we do then?
I have had many friends who are not virgins but not the promiscuous kind. They stayed away from all that but then one night...
And then I heard all about the shift in values. "Well it felt right and I don't regret it" "I love him and I know he loves me" "we're heading towards marriage anyways".
And as their friend who really does Know, with a capital K, that yeah that's true, they wouldn't just give that Disney world trip to anyone. I've grown up with this person and they have never even talked about sex in some silly way. This friend of mine, yeah they go to church every week, we've had some really serious discussions about God and life and everything in between. She's got values, she's got a sense of self respect. So if THIS person decided it was time then...who am I to judge? I'm not her!
I always walk through life with this mentality: who knows!? Because how could I dare know anything of the future, or of another's experience's. I try to stay conscious of this as I watch the world unfold.
So who knows. Maybe this friend is right in her own way and it's OK that she had sex already. I'm ok with it. And as her friend I'll be ok with all the times she tells me about it too because...I don't want her to ever think that I judge her. Friends don't judge their friends.
But what I do know is that when my friend calls me months, YEARS later crying....I am not happy. and I regret her decisions for her. I get so angry that why couldn't she just have waited because this was the worst one on the planet!
How could she have KNOWN,
what kind of LOVE is this,
how dare he take that away from her and leave her lying ALONE.
I believed in him too and he let ME down.
What if THAT happens.
Do you still wait?
When would you ever really know when the time is right?
Sex is serious. In the moment it's all fun but everything around it is the real deal and this is why elders and religions and social customs are so opinionated on this topic. They all same the same things my sister said:
But I stand with the others and add:
Because if you really felt you loved him and he loved you, if you really felt he was worth it, if you really felt right about it-wouldnt you get married to him anyways? Wouldn't you both express your commitment to the world anyways?
When you feel right about someone you don't have sex with them, you marry them.
How do you know if he's the one you'll be married to in the end?
You'll be married to him.
It's that simple.
Because marriage doesn't just happen. The universe WILL arrange and rearrange things so that it actually does work out or so that it stops...even if its moments before the big moment. And if marriage happens, take that as a YES from God that this was in His greater plan, a YES from the universe that this is for the Highest Good, a huge-blessing-YES that it was in His Will.
Wait for that Yes.
Now I am well aware of where I live-in America, not everyone gets or want to be married and so as a disclaimer I have to add: if you are looking to get married one day and are only searching for the marrying type, then this applies to you. Otherwise-please refer back to my sisters post and leave it there, because the all star employee example speaks about the same thing, but without the marriage talk.
And for those who have decided that their all star employee is the marrying type, here's another two things to think about:
what if, you know someone who knows someone who knows someone that did have sex before marriage and eventually, they got married! With each other!
But was that you? Is that YOUR story? Or someone else's?
Things unfold for us all in different ways, and while it may certainly all turn out in your favor, it's risky. It's a risk that you'll never be able to go back on, so think twice. Once with your heart, and once with your head. (Why else were we blessed with both??)
The truth is, marriage=commitment. And if you're looking for commitment, get commitment first. Get committed first. It goes both ways.
Sex is a celebration of that commitment.
You may say sex is a celebration of love. and I wouldn't disagree. But Love, real genuine love, is one that persists and continues and forever believes in the power of love. Just think of all those love stories we've fallen in love with. The couple loved each other, some tragic problem happened that could have torn them apart, and in the end–their love persisted. They didn't give up on each other.
Love is Committed. Devoted. and Shows it.
and How do you know if he's the one who will love you?
He'll love you.
It's that simple.
He'll love you so much that he'll love the fact that you're looking for commitment and not just anyone to enjoy life with. Don't you want that? Dont you want to be with a guy who also wants to wait for the Right Woman? Who also wants to have sex with someone whom he was totally sure of, and who also holds YOU up to the highest standards that you hold him up to? Is that not the kind of guy you want anyway??? Just because men are "wired differently in this area", does not mean that they don't have values themselves and it certainly does not excuse them from anything. They too want you to be the all star lady that they are searching for.
Bhull Chuk Maaf!