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Showing posts from 2016

Nirbhau Nirvair (Without Fear Without Hate)

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The 2016 Presidential Election.

This American Born Confused Sikh has never been more confused.

No, I didn't vote. I know. I know! I didn't register. I haven't even transferred my Texas license and registration over to California yet. Shhhhhh (Hopefully the California Department of Motor Vehicles isn't reading this!)

I've never been one to really keep up with politics or news or anything. I try to watch it all as little as possible because I really do believe that the media is out there to manipulate us and instill fear into us. As per the Guru, this world is a swamp and I don't want to enter the swamp and I certainly don't want to swim in the swamp. I just know that I need to be aware of the swamp. I try to focus on the lotus flowers out there and I try to be a lotus flower myself. Out of all of the many avenues of news media that I choose to engage in, I consciously get my news from Time Magazine and I unconsciously get my news through Facebook. (You kno…

Can a Sikh marry someone who is not a Sikh?

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Can a Sikh marry someone who is not a Sikh? Sure. A Sikh can marry whomever they want.

Can a Sikh do an Anand Karaj with someone who is not a Sikh? Ouch!!! I actually struggled with this one for a while. Please see my prior blog. ;)  http://americanbornconfusedsikh.blogspot.com/2015/08/the-struggle.html

Yes, this struggle was real!

I struggled because deep down I knew the answer. I just didn’t know how to process it. And worse, I didn’t know how to explain it. But then, very recently, while at work, something clicked and it all came together.

For all of my readers who aren’t Sikh or Punjabi or Indian, a quick recap: an Anand Karaj is the Sikh marriage/wedding ceremony. It is when the bride and groom circle the Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji (our holy scripture) 4 times while Gurbani is recited. It is very, very, very, meaningful and emotional for us. In our eyes, it is when two souls become one.

But before I dive into it, I’d like to give you all some Insurance 101. Why you ask? What does insu…

Ahankar

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Hum Nahi Changey Bura Nahi Koi (I am not good, no one is bad)
- Guru Nanak Dev Ji Maharaj
Can you imagine how prideful that would sound be if it were to be reversed? I am good and everyone is bad. 
Here's the funny thing. I think most of us do actually think like that. We think that we are good and that everyone else is bad!  But, our Gurus wanted us to think differently. Our Gurus wanted us to say, "I am not good, no one is bad." So what does this mean? What actions of ours mean that we are good or we are bad? 
Ahankar. . . .Pride. . . .
What does it mean to have pride? Firstly, what is the definition of pride?  Dictionary.com: Pride: the state or feeling of being proud. (Duh!) Pride:a high or inordinate opinion of one's own dignity,importance, merit, or superiority, whether ascherished in the mind or as displayed in bearing,conduct, etc. Ah, yes, here we go. . . . . . .let's dissect this for a second. . . .
"A high opinion of one's own dignity, importance, mer…

Kaam (continued)

Hello! I'm the sister. I really loved the last post on here and my sister's words really ignited some thoughts of my own, so I thought I'd go ahead and give my half of our two cents on the topic. Enjoy! 
So, kaam.  A few things on my mind- Yes we should wait for that all star employee, but what if we think we've found him, like we really truly truly believe it, and then it's years later and we find ourselves single again.
What if we did wait?We did evaluate? We do have our self respect and we certainly just Know that, yeah, this guy is the real deal. What do we do then? 
I have had many friends who are not virgins but not the promiscuous kind. They stayed away from all that but then one night...
And then I heard all about the shift in values. "Well it felt right and I don't regret it" "I love him and I know he loves me" "we're heading towards marriage anyways".
And as their friend who really does Know, with a capital K, that ye…

Kaam . . . .

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Sex.

We don't talk about it at home with our parents. We for damn sure don't talk about it at Gurudwara. So, I'm gonna talk about it now. No, this is not a lesson on the birds and the bees. Most of us have already been stung by bees! This has been on my mind for a while. Again, this one is for my ladies. Particularly, my younger female audience that is in high school and college. When it comes to sex, I'd like to get on my knees again, fold my hands again, and beg you to do one thing for me and more importantly yourself. . . . .

WWWWWAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!

Yes, wait! How long you ask? Until you are married? Until you are engaged? Until he says "I love you"? Until the 6th month mark? Until the 3 month mark? Until the 3rd date? Or lord have mercy, until the end of the first date?!

Before I even attempt to answer that, please picture something with me for a minute. Ladies, let's say you are walking to school o…

Creating Safe Spaces. . . .

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So, everyone is still wondering. Am I still with him? Nope. In fact, shortly after the first incident, he said something very similar to me again and I finally came to the realization. . . he's not gonna change.

Can he change? Can anyone change? Of course they can! But, in my opinion three very important things have to happen first:

#1. He has to want to change - You can talk to him. Your friends can talk to him. Your parents can talk to him. His parents can talk to him (although they are probably the reason that he's like that in the first place.) >:(  If he doesn't think he is wrong and if it is not coming from his own heart, even President Obama could talk to him and HE STILL WON'T CHANGE!

#2. He has to put in effort to change. He has to change his surrounding, his environment, his friends, and yes even his family. He has to change the energy that surrounds him and he has to change the energy within himself. He has to connect to God some how. . some way. . .it&…

From My Ashes, Flowers Will Bloom . . . a book of poems by Poetic Singh

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As you all know, I love writing. A piece of my soul comes out through the pen and onto the paper . . .or out through the keyboard and onto the computer screen. ;) Many have told me that I am strong and brave to share my stories, but the truth is, it's harder for me not to share than it is to share. As a female, I believe that it is a part of our DNA to open up and share and talk and release. We feel like a great weight has been lifted from us once we are done talking and crying. This might sound weird, but crying actually makes us stronger not weaker (in balanced quantities of course!).

I think this trait is a little harder for men though. I think that men have a harder time opening up because of their own internal blockages and because of what society has told them that they have to be. Especially, Punjabi society. Punjabi movies, songs, TV shows, and culture in general teach our men to be "macho" and to assert dominance in a very unhealthy way. Yet, we forget that we c…

Krodh . . . continued

Sadh Cyber Sangat Ji, I'm okay. I promise I'm okay. I didn't write this to make me look like a victim or to make him look like a monster. I don't think I'm a victim and I don't think he is a monster. I just think he is immature and he doesn't know how to manage his emotions or stresses. (Who knows, maybe I am guilty of this too?) The reason that I am sharing this all with you is so that my sisters can be aware and step out of situations like this before it escalates. I am also sharing this so that my brothers can avoid thinking like this and hopefully prevent their brothers, fathers, and sons from thinking like this. . . .
The world is already so chaotic (Especially with Trump in the race). . . why are we adding more chaos?

The worst part about my previous blog is this. . .  and I'm sure you all saw it coming. . . he said it was my fault. He said I provoked him. Even more worse. . . I almost started believing it. . . .

And so the question that lies no…

Krodh . . . .

I never thought I'd one day write a blog like this. Up until now, my blog was meant to shed some laughter and light for the single ladies (and guys) in my community. I feel like I could possibly get killed for writing this blog, but I really don't care. If my blog can help and inspire even just one woman to get out of a bad situation, then it's all worth it. . . So, Bhull Chuk Maaf in advance. . .  here goes. . .

California. California was very good to me. The weather, the mountains, my job, my home, the people, the food, my allergies! It was all very good to me. But there was one thing that wasn't good to me. . . him. He had a very demanding job and I tried to be as understanding as possible. Even though before I moved here, he told me we would be able to spend time together. He told me we would go sight seeing, mountain hiking, and dog walking together! You see, I'm a Sagittarius. I am an adventure seeker! But even more importantly, I am a woman. I am a love seek…

From Texas to California. . . .

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Now, the Sikh Motorcyclist. . . I remember his name. I remember his first and last name because his name was worth remembering. He was the most genuine and sincere guy that I ever spoke to on Shaadi.com. But, I will call him the Sikh Motorcyclist to protect his Identity. He deserves it.
My sister was getting married and I was the unofficial/official wedding planner/coordinator. And I honestly think that had to be one of the most time consuming and stressful times of my life. Alas, it was the best of times, it was the worst of times. . . lol
The Sikh Motorcyclist and I starting talking around this time and gosh, he was just a good person. He didn’t wait too long to go from messaging on the website, to text messaging, to calling. . . He timed it all just right. . not too fast not too slow. . . he never had me guessing. . . he never had me thinking he was annoying. . . He never came on too strong. He was just right. ;)
And here is one thing I will always remember. . . during the days of t…

Shaadi.com continued. . . . .

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So I clicked on accept. . . .

Now, let me tell you guys something about shaadi.com and all of these dating sites. . . . there are two underlying issues with these websites that even myself am guilty of. . . . . .

#1. There are too many options. Especially at the beginning. When I got on this website, I did a horrible thing. I couldn't remember guys by their names so I'd have to give them all nicknames. Just like I did on this blog. For example, Gujurati Dentist. . . Calm Punjabi. . .etc etc. . . it's horrible, I know! You guys think that I am being nice and I am trying to protect their identity, but in reality I just forgot their names!!!

#2. Everyone is disposable. :( By that I mean. . . . everyone that you talk to is just a voice or just texts on your cell phone. And at any given point in time, you can delete the texts, block the number, and move on to the next. We forget that there is an actual person behind those texts and we don't treat them with the respect that…

Shaadi.com

Shaadi.com.

I know. These words also make me cringe!

Gosh, where do I even begin on this topic? I think it's safe to say that most of us who have been on this website have a love/hate relationship with it. (Mostly hate though)

For my non-Indian readers, shaadi.com is the Indian version of match.com, eharmony.com, etc., etc. . . .

However, the word shaadi literally means marriage. See how much pressure there is already!!!???
And because it is an Indian website, the categories and criteria include stupid stuff like caste and skin tone. Yes, you read that correctly: skin tone! The categories for skin tone on this website are very fair, fair, wheatish, and dark. What is the difference between very fair and fair? Why are there two categories for fair? And what the heck is wheatish? Is that like wheat bread? Honey wheat or whole grain???

The website consists of paid/not paid, pictured/notpictured, Indian members from every corner of the planet. Actually, correction. There are also non…

Just a friend. . . .

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I know, I know, it's been a while! My sister got married! Sheesh!  And if any of you have seen, been in, heard about, or know anything about Indian weddings. . . it's a lot. Take that and multiply it by 10 since this little Indian bride is a graphic designer! But more on that later. . . . MUCH more on that later. . . .

So, I last left you all at a friendship that developed between me and the "white guy." LOL Which brings me to today's topic and a question that has been asked since the beginning of time. . . .Can guys and girls be just friends?!

Over 7 years ago, my sister and this guy started talking and when approached about it, she would say, "Didi, we are just friends!" Fast forward into the future to many years later and I'm planning their wedding. . . .

My answer is yes and no. .  . . I know that's not answering your question just yet. . . .but please allow me to explain ;)

Growing up, I've been blessed to have a lot of great guy fr…