The Indian Girl Dilemma
Please allow me to explain. Indian parents that moved to America from India and gave birth to children on American soil are facing a major dilemma. They try to be modern by getting rid of the forced upon arranged marriage concept yet, when their daughters reach a marriageable age, they say. . . "Child! Go and get married!" Or even worse. . . . "You're almost 30 and your not yet married!? Shame on you!!!" We young and naïve children think we actually have freedom to pick our own spouses. . . but when we bring home the guys that we like or even mention their name. . . shame be upon us!
And here's the thing. . . . most Indian girls aren't even given the opportunity or privilege to even speak to the opposite gender growing up. Many of our parents were and are just too strict. And then they get mad and upset when we've reached a certain age and we are not married. We are constantly reminded of our single status. It's almost like we are a burden upon them.
Some of us are told we have too much education, some are told we have too little. Some of us talk too much and some not enough. Some of us are too chubby, some of us are too skinny and not curvy enough. Some of us need to learn how to cook and become more domesticated! Some of us need to get out more and socialize. And some of us write blogs that bring shame to the family!!! (Sorry mom and dad!)
For decades and centuries marriage has always been a business transaction. A potential partner must meet a lengthy checklist in order for a relationship to be "successful". I get it. I'm also guilty of making these checklists. (I actually think I made one in my first blog! lol) But once love comes into the picture, all checklists and compatible ratings get thrown out of the window. So here's my conclusion. . . . .
You are free to fall in love with anyone and everyone. Love has no boundaries and no borders. . . .
But, we are not free to marry anyone and everyone. . . .
Marriage is full of restrictions and limitations and love is only one piece of the pie. I'd like to think that love is the crust and foundation of the pie but hey what do I know? So back to the Indian girl dilemma. . . trying to find a love that meets all the compatible requirements of ourselves and our parents so that ourselves and our parents can live happily ever after ;) Right?
Dear Mom and Dad, Dear Aunties and Uncles, we are trying. We really are. We know you are worried about us, we know you want what is best for us. But if we aren't married at the age you think we are supposed to be married at, it's not the end of the world! Life isn't about completing a checklist. It's about living truthfully. . . .
During my series of online dating, I went out on a date with an Indian who was born and raised in Australia. He was one of those very affluent Indians with a job title so complicated I had to look up what it meant in the dictionary. Some more engineer/software stuff of course. We met for brunch and I had to sit through an excruciating hour listening to what he did and how many places he had been to. He was one of those guys that looked great on paper. He was one of those guys your parents would be proud of. During brunch some of his neighbors popped in and sat with us. He then requested we go some where else close by to talk one on one because of the interruption of his neighbors. He said he knew a place close by and I saw a Starbucks and many coffee shops across the street so I figured that's where we'd be going. He went in his car and I went in mine. I followed him. I followed him into an apartment complex. His apartment complex. >:(
He parked and turned his car off yet I left mine running. He said, "oh my apt complex has this great lounge area where we can sit and chat." I thought to myself, "I'm sure it does but Starbucks also has a nice sitting area jerk". I told him that something came up and I had to go and I couldn't have left quicker. I deleted and blocked him immediately. I thought the whole situation was weird and strange and I'm happy I left and ladies. . . . always always always go with that gut feeling. If you don't feel comfortable, get out of that situation asap. I saw this guy pop up again on shaadi.com and I'm sure he is one of many creeps out there with a great reputation but a bad intention. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe he is the best person in the whole world and maybe I missed my opportunity with my soul mate. Maybe he genuinely wanted to chat. But I didn't want to find out. It's a man's duty to make a woman feel comfortable, safe, and secure. And if he can't do that, then peace!
My next date was with an architect . . . a very nice, well to do, respectable person who at the beginning made me feel very safe and secure. . . . . . :)