Hello!

Hello. Is this really working? OMG I've been using a paper diary/journal for years. Thank you dear friend for introducing me to the world of blogging!

Well, to start out with my name is . . . uhmmmm. . . if you found me on facebook, you already know my name. If you found me elsewhere, you can call me Miss Kaur for now. ;)

I'm going to write a book! But first I'm going to write a blog. Especially now at a very eventful turning point in my life. You see. . . just like my title says. . . I was born here in America. But my family, my friends, my community have all raised me to believe in certain values, traditions, and customs that constantly conflict with each other. Hence. . . major confusion in my life.

And you know how they say. . . . you have to know yourself and love yourself before you can truly be with someone else? Alas, this may be why none of my relationships have worked out in the past 10 years. While I do love myself dearly, I don't think I truly knew myself and hence the men that I've dated in the past didn't know me and I didn't know them despite all the so called "love" we had for each other.

Quick recap on the last 10 years. . . .my first love, my first boyfriend was a Muslim. He was the most honest, sincerest, and caring person that I have met to date. He was a Pakistani (the forbidden neighbor to India!) who was raised in Bahrain but alas he wanted me to convert to Islam and it was just something that I couldn't do. I thought I found myself at age 20. I was on a mission to find and marry a Sikh. A Punjabi Sikh! (Even though I'm not even Punjabi :(  And he had to wear a turban and beard. Bonus points if his turban matched his shirt!

There were a few problems however with this tiny target market that my heart set out to find. One of the biggest ones being that many of my handsome Punjabi Sikh men were still attached to the umbilical cord of their mothers. By all means, yes please honor thy mother and thy father. . . but who said honoring them meant loosing one's sense of identity and sovereignty?

I moved out when I was 20 so I didn't understand the concept of listening and obeying everything that your parents told you to do. I made my own decisions. I thought for myself. But when I was in a relationship, I made decisions not based on my boyfriend, but based on my boyfriend's mother. I wasn't listening to my own mother or my own father but I was re arranging my mind and my life to accommodate someone else's parents.....and on top of it, those someone's couldn't even commit to me in the way that I deserved.

So now I've decided to open up. I'm a little scared to step outside of India at the moment. After all there are 1 billion people over there. Can I just have one?

I have a new set of criteria which is solely based on myself, my values, my beliefs and no one else's.. . . .
#1. I am a Sikh. I have long beautiful hair that I'm not going to cut and I enjoy going to the Gurudwara at least once a week. I don't drink and I don't smoke and if you don't like it, take a hike. Ideally I'd like to find a Sikh who shares my beliefs but if he is not a Sikh he better respect my faith and my right to practice my faith.

#2. I am physically, mentally, and financially independent. I must find someone who is the same. If one item is missing, the relationship will crash and burn. And when I say crash and burn, I mean CRASH and BURN!!!

#3. This is a big one. The last and equally important one that I ignored for 10 years and shame on me for doing so. My parents are divorced and both remarried. My father is a Sikh and he remarried a Hindu. My mother is now a Christian and she remarried a Christian as well. I have 4 parents. I love them and they love me. Ironically, there was only one man who respected all 4 of them and that was my first love. Unfortunately, every single Sikh guy I met afterwards bowed down to their parents but could not even return a phone call to my parents. It's not my fault that they got divorced. So fellas, stop punishing me for something I had no control over. #3. . . .someone who can honor their parents and who can honor my parents as well. . . . all freakin 4 of them

I entered the online dating world about 2 months ago. I've been on approximately 10 dates so far (yes, I'm hot stuff ;)  and my oh my has it been interesting. . . . and hence the creation of this blog. To document and share my experiences. I've been dating north Indians, south Indians, Christians, Hindus, Sikhs (Sorry no Muslims just yet. If I was going to end up with a Muslim it would have been him. . . it should have been him. . . .) Uh oh. . am I being narrow minded again? I'm trying to open up and learn and understand not only my community but surrounding communities and I must reiterate again how very interesting it has been. . . .

Some say the word Sikh mean disciple. Some say the word Sikh means learner. Well, I'm trying to learn while staying disciplined on this new journey. So take a seat, grab a chai tea latte. . . and learn with me. .  . ;)

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