India's Failing Retirement System!

So date #5 was interesting for this reason. . . . . . .

This particular Sikh guy had a past full of ups and downs like the most of us but he had a really positive outlook on his current situation and the future. He was also a Sagittarius like myself so it was easy for me to connect to him in this manner. Yet there was one thing he said that totally threw me off. . . .

He had an older brother who was married and who was currently taking care of his mother. His older brother and his mother were having some issues. His family told him that since he is the youngest brother, it was his responsibility to take care of his mother.

Now, please let me explain why this was so interesting and astonishing to me. Several years ago I had a long distance relationship with a Sikh. He was the only son. He always told me that he would face difficulty because of his mother because he was the only son and because he didn't have any brothers. Then my previous ex explained to me that because he was the eldest brother it was his responsibility to take care of his mother despite him having a younger brother. And now right in front of me I was on a date with the youngest brother and he told me that his mother was his responsibility.

Indian/Punjabi/Sikh mothers. . . .you're killing me! Now, please don't get me wrong. I have a mother too and one day I will become a mother too. No one wants to end up in a nursing home. I get it. But to put so much stress and strain on your child and their new wife is downright despicable and selfish. Especially if it's only a one-way street. What happens to all the parents who only have daughters and no sons? This is why Punjab and many parts of India are killing their baby girls. This is why in India, you are not allowed to find out the gender of your baby until they are born. To have a son is to ensure a safe retirement.

I know that there are many positive aspects to a joint family. Most of them are financial and I get it. In some cases it works. But, in many, if relationships cannot be balanced it proves to become a destructive household for the couple and more importantly the kids. The reason it doesn't work in destructive households is because of the intention behind why it is done. Fear.

There is a fine line between love and fear in Indian households. Fear is the best way to control someone and it has been used since the beginning of time. India's population is now a billion people I believe but for the longest time they were controlled by a relatively small Mughal Empire and then British Empire. The rule was : Do what we say otherwise you will die.  This fear controlled about 98% of the population. Ya'll know which 2% weren't scared. ;)

The government still uses fear to control us today. Why do you think I hate watching the news so much!? And then of course religion uses fear too: Do what we say else you will burn in hellfire once you die. Great. So the government uses fear to control us in our current life and religion uses fear to control us in our after life? We're screwed! No wonder religion and government are such taboo topics of conversation! Sorry, I'm getting off on such a tangent. I'm coming back. . . .

Many Indian mothers (many insecure mothers) use fear to control their children, hence they grow up doing things out of obligation and not out of love. Those who act out of that fear and obligation create destructive and unhealthy households. I know. I grew up in one.

I've actually seen and experienced first handedly (is that a word? It's late!) many great guys loose their first loves or great loves from fear of loosing their mothers because those mothers didn't approve. But how can one "loose" their mother? She cannot take her blood or DNA out of her son. She can't push him back into her womb and say, "Nope, I'm not giving birth to you anymore. Peace out." I don't get it. . . . A man can loose his love but he can never loose his mother no matter how angry she gets or no matter how much she decides to "disown" him. Not even she has that right. . . .

So you see why this one comment from Date #5 totally threw me off?

I honestly feel a little bad for dates 1 through 5. I definitely had a wall in front of me and I'm sure they could sense that which is probably why there were never any second dates! But, I was slowly learning and understanding my surroundings. Soon enough my wall would start coming down, brick by brick. . . . . :)

P.S. If I wrote anything wrong here or if I offended anyone in this blog or any of my previous blogs please forgive me. My intention is to help not to hurt. ;)

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